Heartaches By The Number
by PromotionalKittenBasket
Summary: Can you love two people at once? Spongebob is going to find out the hard way. Spongebob/Sandy with some one-sided Spongebob/Pearl. Rated T for some fluff.


The glittering morning sunlight shone down upon the ocean surface.

It was morning for the sea creatures of Bikini Bottom.

A foghorn blasted in a small pineapple house.

"Good morning, Gary!" said Spongebob. Gary replied with his usual meaningless "meow".

"Time to go to my favourite thing in my favourite place!" said Spongebob as he donned his Krusty Krab employee hat. "I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready," he chanted as he skipped out the door and down to the Krusty Krab.

* * *

On the other side of Bikini Bottom, in a glass airdome, Sandy was waking up.

She sat in her garden, looking out longingly at the sunrise.

"Okay, Sandy," she told herself. "Today's the day..."

* * *

As Spongebob was skipping to the Krusty Krab, still chanting "I'm ready, I'm ready," he bumped into Sandy.

"Hello, Sandy!" he said.

"Uh... hey, Spongebob," she said, blushing.

"What's wrong, Sandy?" Spongebob asked.

Sandy mentally cursed herself. If even Spongebob could tell she was acting weird, then she was being way too obvious.

"Um, 'ah was wonderin' if you wanted to go out sometime," she said in her southern drawl.

"Sure, Sandy! We can go out tonight! I'll tell Patrick to-"

"No, Spongebob," she said. "I mean... just you an' me."

Spongebob stared at her. "You mean like a date?" he asked.

Sandy laughed nervously and blushed again. "Y-yeah."

Spongebob smiled. "Sure! We can go to the valentine's day fairground that I took Patrick to that one time! It'll be great!" he said.

Sandy was ecstatic. "Really? Well, ah guess ah'll see y'all at 8 then!"

"I'll be there!" Spongebob said as he resumed his journey to the Krusty Krab.

* * *

"I'm here!" Spongebob said as he burst through the doors of the Krusty Krab.

"Oh. That's great," deadpanned Squidward.

Spongebob was on his way to the kitchen when Pearl stopped him.

"Hiya, Pearl!" Spongebob chirped. "I didn't know you were visiting!"

"Hi Spongebawwwwb" she said in her weird nasally voice. "Uh, Spongebob, can I ask you something...?"

"Sure!" he replied.

"Remember when... when you took me to the prom that night? When Mr. Krabs asked you to?" she said nervously.

"Yep! It was loads of fun!" replied Spongebob.

"Well... I... Spongebob, I... I haven't been able to stop thinking about how I felt that night..." Pearl continued.

"Pearl, what are you trying to say?" asked Spongebob.

"I... I love you, Spongebob!" Pearl admitted as she leapt forward and kissed him.

"Pearl! No! I have to... I have a date with Sa-" he was cut off as her lips connected with his.

Even though Spongebob wanted to resist, he found her embrace too comforting and the touch of her lips too electrifying to rebel against. He submitted and reciprocated the kiss.

"Spongebob, ah- Aaagh!" said Sandy, who had just walked in.

"Sandy, no! It's not what it looks like!" said Spongebob after breaking his sexy-ass makeout session with Pearl.

Sandy had tears in her eyes. She was completely crushed. "Ah... Spongebob, ah... WAAAAAH!" she said as she started crying.

"Sandy, please!" said Spongebob with Pearl still on top of him.

"Arr, what's goin' on out here?" said Mr. Krabs. He froze when he saw Pearl laying on top of Spongebob.

"WHAT ARE YE DOIN', BOY?!" he squawked.

"Mr. Krabs, it's not how it seems!" replied Spongebob.

"It's EXACTLY HOW IT SEEMS!" screamed Mr. Krabs as he charged towards them. Pearl moved out of the way just in time to avoid the wrath of Mr. Krabs. Spongebob was not so lucky.

Mr. Krabs picked Spongebob up and threw him like one of those crappy slinkies that goes flying the second you put it on the stairs. He smashed into a table and broke 11 people's bones.

"My leg!" screamed a guy.

Spongebob tried to crawl away, but he was bleeding spongeblood too much. All he could do was lie there as Mr. Krabs descended on him and kicked some ass.

Mr. Krabs threw Spongebob into the deep fat fryer.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" screamed Spongebob as his sponge skin frittered away.

"Spongebob, no!" screamed Squidward. "I've always loved you!"

He ran foward and dipped his tentacles in the deep fat fryer to try and rescue Spongebob, but his tentacles melted away.

Then Mr. Krab's mother showed up and said "arr" but she died when Larry the Lobster showed up and wrecked her shit but then Larry was killed when Mrs Puff smashed through the walls of the Krusty Krab with a car that mangled Larry and then Mrs Puff blew up when Pearl got up again but landed on her and blew her up and then Pearl tackled Mr Krabs to try and kill him but Mr Krabs, with a tear in his eye, detonated the secret bomb hidden under the Krusty Krab which caused everyone inside to die in an explosion and then a giant pixellated Starship Enterprise dissolved over the town before the deep fat fryer reached full capacity and flooded the city in deep fat which killed everyone and then the ocean turned to deep fat and swarmed the world


End file.
